This will be on Paul's Basement soon

Jason was kind enough to video this reading and burn this onto DVD for me

Red Dawn: a 2006 review
By Jeff Lageson
For Paulsbasement.org
This article was written for the 2nd annual Paulsbasement.org BBQ and mixer 7-29-06 and read from handwritten notes by the author

We were all tasked as part of our invitations to this shindig to read/write something in the spirit of Paul’s Basement. I emailed Jason a joke idea that we should form the “Greater Snohomish County Multiplex Preservation Society” to see if we could get Lynnwood to keep the Grand’s sign up. Which we could do, but I was afraid Lynnwood might actually respond and I did not want to end up in the Enterprise for that. So, that is not my idea for reading tonight.
I almost had to grab something old to read, but decided I really needed to produce something new and hopefully original for reading. Cutting it close, I finally came up with the idea at 9:10PM on Thursday night driving home from tae kwon do class. It was time for me to watch and review the movie Red Dawn.
Yes, 1984’s Red Dawn, starring Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Jennifer Grey, Lea Thompson, Charlie Sheen, and others. Due to circumstances alluded to in my sole previous contribution to paulsbasement.org I have never seen the movie, and it is all Rafael’s fault. Now, I know Rafael is not here tonight to defend himself, but since we are all old friends here, let’s just talk behind his back here for a moment.
It’s 1984; Reagan was mostly still in control of his faculties, the Cold War was raging, Gorbachev was still a year or more away from power, and movies blaming the Soviets for everything were starting to make big bucks at the box office. Rafael and I headed to catch a movie at the then still five screen Grand and he suggested the movie Red Dawn. For some reason none of the other movies were interesting and as we pull in I ask, “So, what is this about?” or something to that affect, and Rafael responds with something along the lines of, “The Cubans invade Colorado”.
Matinee price or not, the answer was no. I cannot remember for certain who was driving, but I did not go to see the movie at that point. Rafael did see the film, but was basically pissy about it for quite some time. Years passed. I think I saw five minutes of the beginning once on TV and changed the channel. Months later, the next year later or so, and Rafael feeling I “owe him one” drives to another movie. While driving in to the U District he tells me we are going to see something call “Amadeus”.
“What is this about?” I ask.
“Mozart.” He replies.
Well, we’re at the Guild 45th at this point so I’m kind of stuck. So I get all pissy this time and say “fine” and go in.
Okay ... Amadeus was a great film. It hooked me on small theatre films and basically opened up a whole new world for me. Thanks, Rafael.
So, in my life there have only been a few movies I have not seen on principle, or at least not finished on principle. There are plenty of movies I haven’t seen because of taste related issues, but principle is a whole ‘nother issue. First, The Wizard of Oz. The movie scared me as a child on TV and I never watched it straight through until my son got it on video and I decided it was downright pathetic that I was in my thirties and had never watched The Wizard of Oz. Plus, I had just read the book “Wicked” and figured it would be a good time. Second is Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I also freaked out as a child about it, but have still never watched it. And number three is Red Dawn, for the afore-mentioned reasons.
So, I went to Hollywood Video, plunked down $2.71 to rent it on DVD, and at 10PM Thursday July 27, 2006 I finally sat down and screened Red Dawn. My review follows.
To sum up: I am really glad I did not see this movie on the big screen.
My movie rating system is based upon two scales; how good the movie is in general, and the type of screening. For instance, my scale is much harder on a movie I waited for, paid full price for, and screened on opening day, than for say, a rental I screen at home. For example, Star Wars Episode One sucked. About halfway through I thought it sucked, and realized right then and there that Lucas should never have made the prequels. Numbers two and three proved me right. He directed the actress right out of Natalie Portman, who showed us in V For Vendetta what we should have seen from Amidala. It was like her performance in V was to show Lucas, “Dude, I can act!”
I am much, much easier on matinees or rentals or library movies accordingly. I will basically just say, “should have waited for the video”, or “I wish I had seen that on the big screen”.
Twenty two years later it is a good thing I rented Red Dawn, because I would not have been happy. It is a decent film. It gives us the first Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze tandem, and if not for the additional messages the filmmakers crammed in as a back story I imagine I would like the movie better because it actually is a pretty good low budget action film.
But, they blame the environmentalists for disarming Europe. They blame illegal immigrants for opening the border, like there is a wall there. They blame gun records for how the KGB rounds up people. And clearly, if we didn’t support the Contras the Sandinistas and the Cubans would get an army large enough to invade.
So, yes in fact, the Cubans invaded Colorado.
Our satellites of the mid 80’s didn’t notice them storming through Mexico, or notice the massive Siberian to Alaska and through Canada troop movements.
Jennifer Grey’s permanent is still perfect after a winter of warfare.
Patrick Swayze is supposed to be a quarterback, but when we see a football picture he is wearing the number 89.
The dude who played Superfly is the head of the occupying force.
Mr. Hanby always talked about “the willing suspension of disbelief”. And so, when I put that in mind, and let the little things stop bugging me, I found myself entertained. The Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey chemistry was obvious.
Amadeus just kicked its butt though.
Rafael, I was right to hold my ground.