Ozzfest 06, 05, and little about 04 ...

One of the only 8 people without tattoos

A crazy little thing called Ozzfest

Back in 5th grade I stumbled over a little record called Never Say Die. It was from a crazy little band called Black Sabbath. By this time Sabbath had peaked, were on the verge of tossing out their charismatic but utterly unreliable lead singer, and their genre of music was in decline. Never being one to care about such silly things as what is in fashion in music, even back in the 5th grade, I was totally in to the record. Jump forward a year or two later and the singer in question was releasing his first solo record. The local rock station made mention of the record release and played a song that caught my attention. So, I went to the mall with the folks and picked up a copy. The store clerk looked at me with the you cannot be serious sort of look hipster doofus record store guys give when they do not approve of someone’s musical choices.

Now, just imagine how utterly psycho and out of control a guy had to be to be kicked out of a British Heavy Metal band in the 1970s. Given how utterly psycho and out of control they all were, just imagine what the threshold of bad behavior had to be for those guys to have had enough. It’s kind of funny to see the band Black Sabbath back together, touring on the lucrative Ozzfest stage, and knowing it is because of Ozzy’s solo success that those guys are raking in the dough for music they recorded decades earlier. The guy they tossed out and started over from scratch is now a franchise unto himself.

I’ve had the great good fortune of seeing in concert a who’s who of the rock genre over the years. My first real concert was The Rolling Stones in the Kingdome with the Centerfold era J.G.B and Greg Kihn opening. An experience like that sort of resonates with a 14 year old and has permutations that ripple through one’s life decades later. OK, that was silly sounding, but the point is valid. I mean, I have actually read all of Greg Kihn’s published novels as an adult. I have spent a good deal of time working on my son’s ipod in order to give him a good sample of the music his dad likes. It has been fun to do. Ringo recently came up to me and asked, “Dad, can we go to The Rolling Stones.” He’s 9. I wanted to just hug him and say, “That’s my boy!” Which, incidentally, I did. Turns out playing Exile On Main Street as lullaby music when he was an infant really worked. It almost brought a tear to my eye, but since my eyes don’t water a lot that is an ongoing problem for me and the reason I generally can’t wear contacts and gave up on them many years ago.

The number of top acts that I have not seen is pretty small (U2, police, who, etc …), and mostly due to the fact that I simply wasn’t a fan. Many of them have made comebacks over the years, but I refuse to get all nostalgic about bands and performers and songs I couldn’t stand in the first place. Well, I am not one to begrudge an oldie or a one hit wonder from making a living off of past glories. Who am I to argue, when I have never had a hit I could milk into a concert tour 17 years later? If the public is willing to see Journey tour with someone else singing, or Frankie Goes to Hollywood tour with the lead singer and a band in his employ, then bully for them. Even Guns n’ Roses is pretty much just Axl Rose and the hired guns. Axl is smart enough to know that using the name sells tickets, even if it is basically a solo project now with him singing old hits in front of band in his employ. . I have managed to see a few of the acts on nostalgia tours, but alas I still have not plunked down my hard earned money to see Journey.

And now I must deal with the fact that much of my era of coming of age is generally considered oldies, classic, or retro. Fair enough. The song 1985 nails the phenomenon pretty accurately. When did Motley Crue become classic rock? When did Ozzy become an actor? Please make this stop.

Speaking of oldies touring on old music with bands under their employ, I went to Ozzfest again this past summer of 06. I know. An entire day of thrashing, head banging, ear ringing heavy metal that I am supposedly too old for. It’s not the first time either. I’ve sort of made it a bit of a habit in recent years to attend this crazy little thing they call Ozzfest. There have been some acts I would never have paid to see and ended up standing in line to do something else when they performed. I’ve had the opportunity to find up and coming acts I would not have heard otherwise (Lacuna Coil). I’ve had the opportunity to see newer name acts (Disturbed). I’ve had the opportunity to see again bands I really like (Iron Maiden). I’ve had the opportunity to see long touring bands I’ve just plain missed seeing (Slayer). And of course, I have had the opportunity to see bands making the big comeback attempt (Judas Priest).

In 05 I got to witness Ozzy completely losing it and returning to his circa 1979 behavior. His voice gave out. He was about 3-4 songs into the set. All of a sudden, he looks pissed, grabs the mike, throws it down (boom), and storms off the stage. Uh oh. The band doesn’t flinch. Tony goes into a long guitar solo. Geezer makes the occasional glance off stage to see if he is coming back. The crowd however, getting nervous, people starting to mumble. My bro and I exchanged, “should we just go now, he might not be coming back looks” rather briefly. Finally Ozzy comes back on stage, big nervous grin on his face. We all know Sharon has just read him the riot act and sent him back onstage. He spends a number of the songs encouraging the crowd to sing the words and gets through the set, clearly in pain.

Oh, and Ozzy uses a teleprompter. It’s true. Songs he wrote and has been singing for 30-40 years and there he is with this huge teleprompter in front of him amongst the monitors. Better living through chemistry indeed.

There is a shocking amount of skin on display at an Ozzfest. Some of the skin is worth following around and ogling (like the KISW Rock Girls), but much of it needs to be covered for both aesthetic and health reasons. The number of people calling in sick due to sunburn must be nearly as high as the number calling in hung over. In fact, they should rename it Ozzygras for all the beads being handed out to flashing women.

Many of those in attendance are showing off the ink they have on various body parts. The demographic is clearly tilted toward the portion of the population that has tattoos over the portion of the population that does not. In fact, I think I was one of the 8 adults not working security that did not have a single tattoo on display. I do not have any tattoos; either visible or hidden, merely scars. I have considered getting tattoos to represent my children, but I seem to recall making a promise to my parents not to get a tattoo while they are still alive. So, being a man of my word I still do not have that rose tattoo. The Rock Girls one year were kind enough to draw on my shoulders and give me temporary tattoos. It looked ridiculous, but, well, they thought it was a good idea and who was I to argue with the lovely Jackie or the lovely Shawna? Sometimes, one just has to get in touch with one’s inner dirty old man. Even my brother with his very low silliness tolerance threshold understood why I allowed that to happen and acknowledged by reasoning with a simple nod when I explained it to him.

The burnouts there make me feel younger, and yet older at the same time. I can no longer reasonably consider myself to be a blonde. My hair is no longer down to my shoulder blades. Well, I get looks like, and the occasional comment like, “ladies and gentlemen, here we have an undercover police officer.” No joke. One guy at a booth where you can win a CD if you can kick a soccer ball and hit him in the head as he sits in a chair actually said that to me. Wrong guy. I sent a warning shot right past his left ear that led him to just give me the CD rather than to let me take my next kick.

There are a shocking number of people that do not even acknowledge the second stage. They get there plenty early. Someone big is usually headlining it like Rob Zombie or Slipknot, yet many people just go camp on the lawn up above the amphitheatre and ignore a whole section of what they have paid for. If it was just a matter of having to work so that you could only get there at a certain hour that would be one thing. I mean, seeing the final three Main Stage acts in 04 meant it was a triple bill of Slayer, Judas Priest, and Black Sabbath, all with their true lineups. A lineup like that would be worth the trip and ticket price alone.

Ozzfest allows people to meet bands; it is run as a very tight ship. There is a schedule that is handed out and it is pretty well adhered to. The second stage is minimalist in approach, but works very well. It is interesting to see which bands hang out to watch each other. The second stage also is where the autograph booths are. Other than some of the Main Stage acts, Ozzfest bands all sign and pose for photos. CD’s are sold for instant purchase if one likes the band that just played. I like it. It is amazing to me some old Country act like Willie Nelson doesn’t duplicate the tour completely and do the same thing. However, Williefest would need a different name.

People talk about a celebrity safe list, a list of celebrity hotties that would not count as cheating if one was fortunate enough to live the fantasy. Shows like Friends had episodes about this subject. I even had to explain the whole concept to my mother when my dad would suddenly watch Dancing with the Stars when Sarah Evans would be on. Well my list includes Christina Scabbia. She is a beautiful Italian woman with raven black hair, amazing eyes, and the ability to front a metal band at Ozzfest without coming across as an absolute bitch. I have kissed her hand twice at Ozzfest. The first time led to her speaking to me through the media. In a Stuff Magazine article in 2004, Scabbia mentioned how men treat her well on tour and will kiss her hand. She remembers me.

When I finally got around to switching to CDs I had to re-purchase a few records I had already purchased in previous or flimsier formats. I of course had to purchase Never Say Die. Oddly enough, when I found an old turntable I cleared space on top of the entertainment center and have started playing my old records again. You know what? Even though they do sound better, as Nicholas Cage so boldly proclaimed in The Rock, it is a serious pain to have to get up and change the record every 4 songs. The real dilemma for the CD era, which is a lot different in the “file sharing era” was simple. Do you buy the albums you really liked, or just go for the greatest hits (or god forbid boxed set) collections? Both arguments can be supported in reasonable ways.

People can laugh all they want, to me it is a badge of honor that I can go to Ozzfest every year any more.

And, I finally got to see Black Sabbath. Bands with many hits can’t play every song that someone wants. I would love to hear a personal favorite off of a particular album by many acts, but the realities of show length always seem to get in the way. The omission of personal favorites will always happen. But, neither time have they played even a single song from Never Say Die.

Sharon!