Full Price

Vaguely venting here.

For years I have chosen, basically, employment that is not as lucrative in exchange for a lot of flexibility in a lot of different ways.

I have been able to be pretty picky about quality of life aspects of where I do the thing.

I have been able to be in work environments I prefer, even at a discounted price if I were to be FT permanent.

And now, at one of those, when given the chance to move to full price, with a large body of work that was me as a convenient cheap work horse, I have been at least given the chance at full price.

The end result was not favorable, and in the end, my life continues as it was basically, but there is now that very real confirmation that I was indeed only worth it as a cheap convenient work horse and in no way perceived as being worth full price. I get that there is competition and in no way did I really feel like I should just be granted it, but the decision not to hire is a real statement that is really loudly ringing in my ears.

The body of work I have there is lengthy and detailed and apparently has never been valued as much more than for its convenience and cost. There have been times where people have thought I was on staff because of the relationship I had with the institution and the work I did.

There is a little bitterness here, because even though business is business, this has a significant personal feel to it. My measure has been taken, and it was not up to snuff.  I cannot pretend it does not hurt personally given the length of the relationship involved. What could have been a work til retirement situation is now something that probably is the end of the line. There is a great could have been here.

I will not be making rash choices and spiting myself given the state of the world, but I really cannot imagine ever giving them my time at a discount price ever again with anything resembling enthusiasm. It will be difficult to even consider other opportunities there. I had already let it be known that I was not continuing in the manner in which previously things have gone.  This was sort of a Hail Mary in a way.
A very long institutional relationship seems to be fading to an end as I complete other commitments there this summer, if those things actually go off as potentially scheduled.  If they don't go off, I am likely already done there.

"VagueBook" rant over.