Funny Subbing Stories (#2)

Funny Subbing Stories (#2)

These are excerpts from emails I sent out over the past half year or so about the misadventures I often have as a substitute teacher ...

Names and locations have been omitted for obvious reasons ...

---

Actual excuse from a 7th grader

"my mom recycled my math assignment"

---

in one day I overheard the following at a HS ...

"Oh my god, I just misspelled my own last name"

"You know who has long eyelashes? ... Robert."

"It's not a zit. It's a part of my ear. It's been there since I was born. Leave me alone!"

"No. wouldn't. I was raised better than that."

---

These are just random things I have been asked or have overheard recently ...

"Is Greece in Italy?" (HS female student)

"I'm a Tomboy, do I go with the boys or the girls?" (4th grader)

"I didn't realize Kentucky was a state. I thought it was a city." (7th grader)

---

email I sent to friends back in October:

today is Pajama Day at the middle school ... subbing all week

so ... I grabbed my Gene Juarez robe and wore sweats underneath and a pajama top ...

this is how my day is starting ... with a pipe you could call me Hef

---

Some of the boys were having a discussion about pop stars ... who's hottest ...

actual convo (9th graders)

"Man, did you see Freaky Friday? Lindsay Lohan was so hot."
"No, she had me in parent trap."

I cant make this stuff up ...

---

all in one week:

So ... there are aspects of subbing that they don't really give you a lot of help with ... one of them is when there is a special event, like last week when I had to try and help monitor a pep assembly at ***** ... go sit with your students in the Northeast corner bleachers ... by the time I get to the gym through the halls I have no idea which 33 kids are mine ... I am not certain where these mythical Northeast bleachers are ... and so I just go stand next to other teachers by the door ...

and then there are days like today ... when they have a fire drill ... I am at **** HS in **** and the alarm went off during my planning period, 2nd ... nice ... I grabbed my jacket and followed the crowd figuring this would be simple since I dont have a class ... nope ... I get to the Upper Field ... first finding out that they have an upper field ... and I discover that the classes are all lining up alphabetical like with the teachers holding these big signs with the teacher's name on it ... nice ... hmmm ... turns out the kids are not with their 2nd period teachers ... no, they are with their home room teachers ... home room is based on 4th period, something to do with splitting them up for 1st and 2nd lunch I guess ... so I now need to do several things ... I need to remember the name of the teacher I am subbing for ... I need to talk to a teacher to let someone know that I don't have a sign .... and I need to find the kids ... the math teacher next door sees me looking very confused and I decide to just fess up and tell him the above ... he walks me over to where my students are supposed to be .... and there they are ... whew ... suddenly, it appears to the administration that I know what I am doing under adverse circumstances like this and they compliment me on helping with the fire drill ... I think I owe the math teacher a beer ...

---

Last Fall:

let's see ... yesterday the students stood up when the announcements came on and faced the corner and did the Pledge ... nothing unusual, except that I could not see anything in the corner ... I saw a fish tank, a poster showing various fungi, another poster of a forest, an electric pencil sharpener, and a cd player ... turns out if I had opened the blinds I would see that there is a flag pole outside the window, visible from the room when the flag is raised ... in the meantime, it looked really random, like they were pledging a poster about mushrooms

also, there were two little chinchillas in the room, one with a very bad attitude that would nip at anyone that came near ... one kid was there so I told him, "be careful, you wouldn't want rabies shots," and he replied, " I know, I've had those, they hurt," very matter of factly, and went and sat down ...

it gets better

this period I am proctoring an algebra test for HS freshman at ***** HS ...

last year I subbed a bunch at ***** in ****, the 8th grade ... several of those kids are in the class and remembered me, very happy to see me, and asked if I had my dancing boots on ... I actually am wearing my boots today for the first time in a while given how my foot was feeling ...

---

More to come ....