As another school year ends ...

As another school year ends ...

Here are some late additions and funny subbing stories I forgot ...

And yes ... I am actually working to create a stand up comedy routine based upon these ... adventures ...

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It took til I was 40 ... but, I finally wore a Duran Duran concert tee shirt to school ... it was 80s day so I wore it under a tweed blazer with jeans and cowboy boots and the kids thought Mr. L was actually cool ...

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I was subbing middle school PE ... I won't say where ... during lunch, the other teacher and I are sitting in the gym office on the respective computers ... a kid comes in to take a make up rules quiz on a game ... gives them some thing to grade other than ability I guess ... so he sits next to me ... right next to me ... and cheats on the test

Yes, he has his study guide out and unfolded on his lap and he keeps leaning and peaking at it ... let me remind you, I am sitting right next to him ... inches away ... a teacher ... so ... I roll the chair down to the right 8-10 feet to the other teacher, the one who gave him the quiz and ask softly "is this thing open note?" He looks over, busts the kid ... after the kid leaves and the teacher calls his parents for cheating ... he looks at me and we discuss how this was the most audacious or stupid thing we had ever seen ... I mean ... sitting next to the teacher and cheating on a test????

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Okay ... PE teachers are usually "guys" ... but they ran out of electrical plugs in the gym office so they moved the coffee pot to the "office" off the office ... at least it is on a table opposite the toidy ...

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A girl had a splinter in her palm yesterday that still stung today so she was telling me that she couldn't do much reading since it hurt to, "like, flip pages or anything" ...

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I was excited because there was a boom box in here I can play music for PE class... except the guy only had Cd's like "The Osmond brothers greatest hits" "Cameo: Word Up" "Saturday Night Fever" and "Linda Ronstadt: Greatest Hits" ..... and "Billy Ocean: Greatest Hits"

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I walked into the wrong computer lab 6th period and started giving instructions to a group of students who had no idea and a very startled other teacher ... the computer lab was a two room setup and was next door to the class I was moving them to and from, but when I ran back to grab something the class ended up in the other computer lab without me knowing it, so I walked in and ...

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So I am supervising recess ... k-3rd ... 100+ (I lost count around 84 with all the movement) kids on this 70 yard field turf field ... a pocket of kids playing here, a group of girls jump roping there ... and two separate soccer games going on all through the field ... the kids are all wearing jackets of different colors and they seem to know who is on each team ... and they just go around and through other groups that hardly seem to notice them as they play ... it is utter chaos ... 2 goalies in one goal but each only trying to stop the ball from their game ... crazy ...

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I had Chicken and gravy over mashed potatoes with green beans, a roll, and a chocolate milk for lunch ... it had been AGES since I saw that meal and almost didn't realize what it was ... it felt like being in third grade again. In Elementary there was nothing better than that hot lunch.

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There was a mosquito in class. One of the kids sort of freaked out about it. It could have "West Nile Virus!" he said ... so I followed the bug around trying to kill it when it settled onto another kid. The kid next to him whacked him one on the back. A girl nearby said "It's a white shirt!" Don't worry about the bug. Don't worry about the welt the kid got. Just, don't stain the shirt.

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"He's a Plutard!" ... "What?" I foolishly asked ... plus tard is french for very late and is being used totally wrong, but it sounds like an insult ...

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It's amazing how many kids have trouble with their own last name when I call roll and seem confused by the process like no one has done it before...

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I asked a HS student during a math class, "Is it really normally this sedate in here?" He looked up briefly, said nothing, and looked back down without answering ...


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I had crashed and burned around 8:15PM and found myself up and in need of a bathroom break. It was dark. I was not stressed about waking up since I do that often. It would only be a matter of a few minutes to fall back asleep and doze for another couple of hours. Then the phone rang and I realized that to blurry eyes in the dark 3:50 and 10:20 look shockingly the same ... I was WIDE AWAKE and would remain so until the real 2AM would roll around.

So ... I flopped around late all night because I was so sick ... and then was so tired the next day ... when I was out dancing all the time and took naps staying up late was okay ... but with $4.19 gas I don't go out much and the novelty has worn off anyways ... this is why snooze alarms are so necessary and not lame and why I set up to three alarms some nights ... and it was cold, in June, again ... like I wrote last year ...

Years ago in HS I showed up late (which happened a lot even with no first period class) and got a tardy slip from the office ... It turned out there was less than a minute left in class and when I handed the admit slip to Mr. Comeau I asked, "Is this a tardy or an absence?" Literally seconds later the bell rang. He only gave me a disdainful glance and never actually gave me a verbal answer and I mentioned it to him once in recent years at a reunion. This is an example of just how bad a HS student I was ... Oh, I got decent grades and did not get to know the VP or skip or the like, but I was a terrible HS student ... I try to remember that ...