Apologies

Recently at a school I sub at a note was left for me that was either a really bad attempt at clever humor or a serious insult requiring the attention of the school administration. I decided to wait until I was returning to that school today. I knew what class the note would have originated from and advised a student from that class before school that I needed to know if it was a terrible joke out of context or something that needed further attention. I let the surrogate know that I would accept and anonymous note and that if the explanation was satisfactory that I would chalk it up to a terrible 7th grade prank. I would live with that. Late in the day the note came in from a student that was a note of apology for the joke being the previously mentioned really bad attempt at clever humor.

Now, if only I was that smart myself.

See, recently an old friend and teammate passed away. During the course of the word spreading I was brought back into contact with another old friend and teammate that I had also not seen in many years. Over the past few weeks we have emailed a bit and exchanged some information. He sent me a few photos; one of he and his wife, and the other of he, his wife, and an older gentleman that I presumed was his father and a former coach I had played under.

In the course of responding to his email I must admit I was interested in knowing whether or not the older gentleman was in fact who I thought it was. His descriptions of the photos led me to make a joke that was a play on those words and to ask the question, "Is that your dad?"

My old friend was very upset by what was easy to interpret as a slam on his wife. It was not. I have since reread the email from the sent bin and realize that in the context in which it was sent my words meant something other than intended. For this, the fault is entirely my own and not in his interpretation.

I have since sent him emails in my attempt to explain myself, hoping that my words can appease a situation of my own creation.

An email does not have a vocal tone or inflection or body language to convey humor. It must be written to clearly show what it was meant to say. Mine did not.

After running the email and his response past some friends (keeping his ID anonymous) they all felt that he was right to feel upset, given that he does not know me these days and could not have necessarily known that it was my attempt at humor. However, it was also agreed that I needed to make a sincere and heartfelt gesture to that old friend so as to show that I truly meant what I said.

The best I can do under the circumstances is to come clean as publicly as this blog allows and to send him a link to it.

The circumstances of my lame attempt at humor do not excuse the fact that I am responsible for the words I choose. A former boss once told me it is not up to the other person to understand my words, it is my responsibility to be accountable and make people understand.

So, to my old friend and teammate and his wife and family, please accept my most sincere apologies for my poorly chosen words and bad humor. The responsibility is entirely mine.

I'm sorry.